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Purpose

CASTING OFF A SPIRIT OF DESPAIR

It’s been 126 days since I have seen the man I’ve fallen in love with.

126 days, no foreseeable end in sight, and frankly? I’m getting kind of done.

I realised last week, the acknowledgement of which somehow pushed me over a bit of an edge I was already teetering on, because it just made it feel so much more REAL, that it’s also been the longest time in my life that I’ve gone without seeing my parents, and my brothers and their families. Since last Christmas now.

Ugh.

I don’t want to write this post for the exact same reasons that I didn’t want to dump a massive long audio message and follow on series of woe is me texts on my guy this morning, but I’m going to write it for the same reasons I did that, which is plain and simple, and same as usual:

Let the message be the mofo message, never question the message, your job is to let the message out, always, no question, The End!

Nonetheless, here are the thoughts I berate myself with, when I feel upset, weary, just so tired of it all, or worried about everything I imagine I need to worry about –

– How dare you feel this way Kat? Tons of people haven’t seen their families in WAY longer than that, or they don’t even still have their parents or siblings here on earth! 6 or 7 months is not that long, toughen up!

– You’re being weak. Toughen TF up. And, letting it all out on X (my amazing man!) just makes you look like a mess. Insecure, needy, falling apart, and not like the strong upbeat ‘can and does create anything she wants’ woman he fell in love with.

– You’re letting fear rule you. Stop it! Get your damn game face on, it is what it is and that’s all it is!

– Millions and trillions of people have it way worse than you. Screw you and your first world problems, keep ’em to yourself and don’t make ’em more real by voicing them, besides which, it IS your job to clear and shift that shit, and be bigger than it.

It’s equally hilarious and horrible to me to admit that even after a month or two of X leaving Australia, which was right in the week Corona shit blew up and so he hasn’t been able to get back since, I was already finding it endless.

“By July it will be over!”, we thought. Or at least that travel would be possible.

Meanwhile, a month or so ago Aussies thought that within weeks we’d be able to travel interstate to see family and friends again, and now – well, Victoria (where my fam are) is the state that no other state wants near it and there seems to be no end in sight.

Daily, worldwide almost, the media warns us not to expect an end anytime soon to any of it, and those of us who think a certain way are also walking around probably thinking WAY too much about all the things we expect to happen and indeed are already seeing happen as far as what a ‘return to normal’ will require us to give up, accept, normalise, or have jabbed into us.

Can’t do won’t do, but that’s another story 🙂

Earlier this week, at my weekly church lifegroup meeting I go to, which is truly one of the MOST amazing things in my life, and I value love and adore it and the people there so much, somebody brought up the word despair.

People are starting to feel despair.

Those of us who still have it pretty damn good – which is most definitely those of us here where I live – feel equally blessed but also concerned and also sad and worried for the people we know who are in parts of the country or world where shit is seriously going down, and we remind ourselves DAILY how damn lucky we are.

It feels wrong to say I feel down sometimes, it feels weak, uncaring, uncompassionate, selfish, and more.

I don’t want to acknowledge that I’ve had a spirit of despair and hopelessness knocking on the door to my heart, trying to get in.

I want to be stronger than, bigger than, more certain than, everything, always!

And I feel like I SHOULD be, that my job is to, I dunno, hold the world together for everyone else?? Haha. Jesus complex much? lol, I know – I really should get over myself a little.

The thing is,

No matter how strong you are and how many people depend on or look to you as a source of inspiration or strength, YOU are always allowed to be human.

And in your humanness, in allowing it and yes even leaning in to it, you also allow yourself to shift,

and in fact you become MORE of that messenger for others.

So here is what I know, in my humanness:

It is okay for me to feel weary.
It is okay for me to feel down.
It is okay for me to despair at times at the endlessness of it all.
It is okay for me to feel my OWN worries and insecurities even as I know that there are so much bigger concerns in the world than mine, and that I have it pretty damn good, and so much to be grateful for.
It is okay for me to feel like I want to cry for my Mum and Dad, like a little kid, and just want to go visit them now and I hate that I can’t, hate that my kids haven’t seen their grandparents in so long, or cousins, and me my brothers and their wives and kids too!
I’m SO FUCKING OVER ALL OF IT.
It is okay for me want to cry myself to sleep sometimes at how full on it is to be in love with someone you can’t SEE (well, aside from the hours a day typically on video messages or facetime haha).
It is okay for me to think it’s next level bullshit to be planning a life with someone I’ve no idea when I can be with again! Are we going to end up having to have Zoom babies?!
It is okay for me want to rage and scream and shake my fist at God, because what kind of ridiculous bullshit trick is it that I finally meet THE man, the man he had in store for me, the one who is everything and a million times over beyond even my WILDEST imagination or desire of what a man could be, and what a ‘we’ could be, and now we are oceans apart … for God knows how long … and hopefully God does know!!

I know he does 🙂

IT IS OKAY FOR ME, AND FOR YOU, INDEED FOR ALL OF US, TO BE HUMAN AF.

It is NOT okay to deny it, because let’s get real – we GET to experience all emotions on the spectrum. It’s not like some of ’em are bad, and never meant to be felt 🙂

All emotions and energy states have a purpose.

And,

refusing to feel what you’re feeling is a great way to GET to continue to experience the same freakin’ feeling or lesson over and over again!

Which brings me to my point, and my point is this:

Being human is allowed, and there is nothing wrong or bad or even weak about feeling all the fall apart and wanna wail on the floor things.

BUT,

Being a God and soul led human who operates from a beyond normal paradigm also comes with responsibility, and one of those responsibilities, which I realise I get to now go deeper in to, is this:

Guard your damn mind, and be sure you are daily feeding and watering it with what it needs to thrive.

Where does peace come from?
Where does inner strength come from?
Where does faith come from?
Where does the ability to get through, keep going, NOT just keep going, but do so with purpose, and in such a way that you are of benefit to yourself and to others come from?
Where does soul certainty come from?
Where does the ability to CAST OFF A SPIRIT OF DESPAIR OR WEARINESS OR HOPELESSNESS COME FROM?

God.
The Holy Spirit.
Connectedness to Him.
AND,
to you.

The thing is,

I am one of the best people I know at being able to reframe things, shift my energy, CHOOSE my focus, vibe, you name it.

I know and see and am EXCITED for all the VERY many positives that come from this time, this test, this ‘new normal’.

I see the incredible ways in which X and I are building a foundation for our relationship that is so damn deep and hell yes on communication and trust that it transcends what most people even build in a lifetime.

I see the beautiful ways in which I am creating a different way of connection and being during this time for myself and my children.

I see all the incredible positives for business, for opportunity to serve, to create, to expand.

I’m aware, and have been the whole time aware, of all the GREAT, incredible, and THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD stuff which is coming from all of this.

No need to tell me the other ways to look at it all, ’cause most of the time I ONLY feel those good things, and I pretty much instantly put aside the contracted things when they pop up.

But,

yes.

Sometimes I am extra human.

And sometimes I think that’s okay.

Because in allowing ourselves to acknowledge our weakness, perceived weakness, or where we ‘could or should’ be better,

we see our way back to soul.

Back to purpose.

Back to God.

And back to admitting that at any time, no matter what, we ALWAYS have the opportunity to lean even deeper into surrender,

into trust,

and into Him.

Yes you can acknowledge a spirit of despair, of fear, whatever.

But no,

you don’t ever have to accept it as there to stay.

God is always there to take it from you.

And to connect you back to truth.

So,

whatever you need to let go of today, let go.

You’ve got this .
He’s got this.
It’s okay to scream and shout and cry.

And then RUN RUN RUN back into your mission.

The messy awesome exhilarating job of being you,

and living the life you came here to do.

Whatever that looks like today.

Tomorrow.

Repeat.

The End.

Amen.

That’s all.

Don’t forget –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

P.S.

Rebel.
Upstart.
Fuck the system; screw the rules.
Won’t do what they told me.
Too much.
Unreasonable.
Ridiculous.
Unprofessional.
Crazy!

Should I go on? I could, but I think you get the picture.

You’re the one who is not only not like the other PEOPLE, you’re also not like the other entrepreneurs.

They, they actually think they’re different; non-conformists?! Don’t make me laugh. You and I both see it as it is:

They just wanna be told how to build a pretty little website and a pretty little social media page or three and a pretty little online product or course and get their pretty little headshots and do a pretty little pre-scripted dance all over the internet so that other equally pretty fucking bland and boring and same same-y peoples pay them money,

And they can all sit in a pretty little womans circle together patting each other linking elbows and stroking each others hair and singing Kumbaya as the sun sets over another day of sinking ever deeper into the unremarkableness that is their lives.

They are the ones who are not only willing to jump through hoops, they also want to build more hoops for other people; they want to perpetuate the hoop jumping life and their whole sales pitch is basically some version of “I will help you to have a better and shinier hoop, come see!”

lolol

BUT REALLY.

Meanwhile, you –

You’ve tried the hoop-jumping life, maybe more than what you care to admit. And, whilst you’ve nothing against sitting around with other ladeez and stroking each others hair, you and your girls; the real ones?

You don’t exactly fit in in the typical woman’s circle.

You don’t feel at home with the pretty-preneurs, not even on the internet let alone in real life.

You don’t actually GIVE a fuck about having all your shit perfect,

Polished,

And just so –

And the idea of having sales and marketing and content processes which you have to systematically pre-plan and then work through and endlessly join dots with?

Makes you want to hurl.

Sure –

You’ve bought in at times to do the idea that maybe you DO gotta do it as they say.

An automated webinar, perhaps?? Facebook ads which carefully and smartly tell the world who you are and how you can help? A sales plan proven and tested by the greats. The gradual sinking slow decline of your soul, your joy, your dreams, and even your pussy as everything within you that once knew she could HAVE IT ALL AND DO LIFE HER WAY SLOWLY DRIES,

WITHERS TO NOTHING,

AND DIES?

Sure –

Why not

And look.

It’s not that any of these things are bad or wrong. Maybe right now you’ve got to a certain point by playing by the rules … kind of. Following what ‘logic’ suggests you do. Breaking free here and there with wild little jaunts into over the top madness, noticing how THAT lights you up and also how people respond to it … but ultimately continuing to go back to trying to find the right fucking system to get you to where you want to go,

Because this thing of trying to just be you interspersed with trying to get it all right and make it work, well –

It’s God damn tiring –

But also, in the end, if we’re going to be black and white about it, it hasn’t got you to where you want to be!!

You KNOW you should be making SO much more money.

NOW.

With consistency, and yeah, while of course of COURSE you’re down for doing the work, you also feel like it SHOULD be a lot easier, more flow

And you know that you know that you know that you’ve still not let out the most unrestrained and fully expressed side of you!

– The you they can’t look away from
– The you they are MAGNETIZED by
– The you who automatically commands a huge freakin’ following, and sales to match it

You know who I’m talking about –

THE MILLIONAIRE REBEL YOU!

Starting January 18th!

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

The revolutionary fucking leader who tears SHREDS off of normal every damn day before the rest of the world has barely sipped its coffee!

Who is FULLY unleashed in what she says, how she shows up, how she does business, how she does life.

Who does not give a fuck about following rules! Or sales systems! Or strategies! Who can and will do what works for HER, and if it happens to resemble other ways people build an audience and make a fuckload of money online, cool, and if not, so what! That is not the point! The point is –

She knows what works for her.
She backs herself unapologetically.
She DOES it.

And she gets the damn results. The BIG results. The CONSISTENT results. The FUCK yes results, not just with money but with the VIBERY of it all.

Imagine …

Waking up every day and KNOWING you have crushed the day before it already begun because THAT IS WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ROLL!

* Your shit sells (at any and all price point)
* Your creativity and inner ideas machine flows endlessly (you always know what to put out into the world and that when you speak people PAUSE EVERYTHING AND LISTEN, whether it is with free content and shenaniganery or with your paid stuff)
* You don’t even have to think about low end or high end or how to take people through a value ladder or some such bullshit, the value ladder is YOU CONTINUING TO BE YOU, and the more that you DO you the more people just take themselves through whatever it is you’re offering!
* It is easy, natural, fun, and OBVIOUS how to build your automated income, funnels, the ‘cash machine’ side of your business.
* In fact the whole damn thing feels fun and easy and like you’re just being you (the full on you, the too much you, the rebel you, the fuck all of ’em THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR AND NOW I’M GONNA TELL YOU you!),
* and at the same time you have the DEEPLY grounded and certain knowledge that the way you’re doing it, hot mess and chaos vibes and all, is WORKING. PS – the reason you feel certain of this is because your bank balance and soulmate audience and their feedback reflects it, not bc your spirit guides told you it’s coming

All of this is ALREADY available to you.

It is who you are and what you were born for.

You did not come here for normal!

You are one of the truly crazy ones, who has something inside of her that will leave the world BREATHLESS –
and allow her to make millions and impact millions –

BUT NOT IF SHE CONTINUES TO DO BUSINESS AND LIFE BY TRYING TO SOMEHOW BE A NON-CONFORMIST WHO CONTINUALLY CAVES AND CONFORMS.

For this to work,

REALLY work, like next next NEXT level $ and life flow work,
you’re going to need to FULLY turn your back on the idea that your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of you adjusting, filtering, compromising, playing the game the way the other entrepreneurs are playing it, or worrying about what the fuck your social media looks like!

What you’re going to need to do is simple:

FLICK THE DAMN REBEL MILLIONAIRE SWITCH BABY.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/

All in on madness.
All in on crazy.
All in on chaos.
All in on the TRUE epic awesome ridiculousness and too much-ness of YOU.

REBEL MILLIONAIRE

Starting January 18th!

For those who were born to run the damn thing,

To turn the world on its head and dance on top of it,

And who are ready to do just that.

>>> https://thekatrinaruthshow.com/rebelmillionaire/